Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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