I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize