'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
