I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's always time for handjobs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
