I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
