dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
