So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
