Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
