I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
