i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
only you would photoshop your dick
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
