Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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