I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
