also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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