I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
