My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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