i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
