Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
