Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
