Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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