I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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