I want to have your abortion
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
