he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
