Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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