definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You are a genius and a whore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
