Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
