Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
