I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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