Your dad touched me again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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