people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ketchup is God's man juice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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