My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
