have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
