Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
