I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
