Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
