So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
