Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He passed out mid-signature
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
