apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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