He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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