Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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