Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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