i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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