Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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