I'm going to jail i love you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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