whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize