why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You can't motorboat a personality
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
