took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize