Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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