alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
