I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
