We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His nipple licking is glorious
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