Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
