so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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