You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
