Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
