I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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