Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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