Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
