god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize