I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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