listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize