On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
