Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
