Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
