I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
