I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
