I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
