On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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