You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
