first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
