my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
