I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
