I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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